So...Madeline is learning the art of lying or what may seem to her at the time....self preservation. Just silly little lies right now...but this is the time to make sure we deal with it correctly. It seems to be instictual...or more at her age...the need to lie out of fear?? She is testing the waters so much latley...and my little "Yes, Mom, I DID IT" child has disappeared behind the "I don't know who did it???" or...." mmm...wasn't me". UGGGHHH.....it has started so early on....she isn't even quite four! So...now to figure out the balance of teaching her to be truthful...even when she has done something wrong...not over punishing her for telling the truth but not letting her off the hook for the deed she was lying about.
I remember how it all was...if you tell the truth and you still get in horrible trouble (and whatever you did was purely accidental)...and sometimes in the heads of the culprit....truly unjustified..then why not just fib a little...and no one will no the difference?
So here we go....my overanalysis on the whole thing. In a sense for most kids...lying seems to be the lesser of two evils, and they imagine they can get away with things better. So for kids....lying is punishment-avoidant behaviour.
Our dilemma : do we punish for lying...if we do ,we may risk reinforcing fear, then increasing the likelihood of lying in the future, rather than decreasing it!????
Conclusion: punishing a lie....that is due to fear....in the long run will be ineffective. So, I think if we remember to seek the deeper motivation for the lie and work at the source rather than the symptom than that will help? That is the struggle though...to remember this!!
I think if we make sure we are approachable and understanding and if something goes wrong or happens that they can come talk with us....and understand that there may be a consequence but one that is fair and fits the "crime" per say. Above all, I just by us recognizing that our purpose as parents is to encourage honesty....that this is good character not just a behaviour. When all is said and done, I want the girls to love the truth, not to fear it.....to hate lies....and not merely the punishment that lying brings. Make sense?? Oh the joys!!!
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Crazy cleaning....
Last week I was cleaning bathrooms...trying not to faint from the smell....(I use at least three different products in the bathroom....and I think when the fumes all intermingle....they cause a toxic cloud in there!) Anyways...I go into the girls bathroom which I already cleaned and see Sophie (my two year old) taking her cute little toothbrush and cleaning and scrubbing the sink....then cleaning, scrubbing her teeth....back to the sink...back to the teeth. AGGGHHHH!!! I rinsed it the sink after I cleaned....but I just know she took a little taste of the formaldehyde or phosphoric whatever was in that product!!!
I am not a germ-aphobe at all. In fact...sometimes I feel a little guilty because I see some other Moms who are much more obsessed and are much better at cleaning and disinfecting. However, I've been a little wary about spraying Lysol all over the place, and all the antibacterial stuff is overused....and I've always felt like...we eat off that surface and breath all that in...is that really safer?? But it is all over the shelves...so it must be, right? I've gotten several emails from people warning me about the horrible products that are right in my kitchen...including my lovely favorite...the Magic Eraser (which I believe is Magic). We discussed how they all are unsafe...so whats the hype about this one...this is just one of many products that we need to keep safe locked away from the kids and pets. But I still had that nagging feeling that it isn't OK...what are we exposing our kids too anyways? Agggh. I do tend to use my own little mixture of vinegar and water sometimes...and have come across some nice safe products at some of the home parties , but once it is used up... I just head back to the products in the stores.
Anyways, later that night I came across an old friend from college...noticed her website....clicked on it to check it out and voila...just what I was looking for....a wholesale company selling heath/wellness and environmentally friendly products. So after talking with her, and she has been using them for five years....I was interested. I'm a big talker...and many times never follow thru. But...why not just clean out my house of the harsh stuff and go to a safer side? Truly how hard is that...I don't really have any attachment to any products (except for the magic eraser and my deodorant) So...that is what I'm going to do. I won't have to go down the cleaning isle again (yippee...I HATE shopping) .....and get stressed over my choices...not knowing what to pick and which one is going to eat away at my fingernails if I don't wear gloves. So, I've become a member....I'll get to go shopping online (which I love) at a business that puts out out healthy safe products. Anyways...we'll see how it goes. I get a shipment in this week and I can start trying it out!! A step forward at least.
I am not a germ-aphobe at all. In fact...sometimes I feel a little guilty because I see some other Moms who are much more obsessed and are much better at cleaning and disinfecting. However, I've been a little wary about spraying Lysol all over the place, and all the antibacterial stuff is overused....and I've always felt like...we eat off that surface and breath all that in...is that really safer?? But it is all over the shelves...so it must be, right? I've gotten several emails from people warning me about the horrible products that are right in my kitchen...including my lovely favorite...the Magic Eraser (which I believe is Magic). We discussed how they all are unsafe...so whats the hype about this one...this is just one of many products that we need to keep safe locked away from the kids and pets. But I still had that nagging feeling that it isn't OK...what are we exposing our kids too anyways? Agggh. I do tend to use my own little mixture of vinegar and water sometimes...and have come across some nice safe products at some of the home parties , but once it is used up... I just head back to the products in the stores.
Anyways, later that night I came across an old friend from college...noticed her website....clicked on it to check it out and voila...just what I was looking for....a wholesale company selling heath/wellness and environmentally friendly products. So after talking with her, and she has been using them for five years....I was interested. I'm a big talker...and many times never follow thru. But...why not just clean out my house of the harsh stuff and go to a safer side? Truly how hard is that...I don't really have any attachment to any products (except for the magic eraser and my deodorant) So...that is what I'm going to do. I won't have to go down the cleaning isle again (yippee...I HATE shopping) .....and get stressed over my choices...not knowing what to pick and which one is going to eat away at my fingernails if I don't wear gloves. So, I've become a member....I'll get to go shopping online (which I love) at a business that puts out out healthy safe products. Anyways...we'll see how it goes. I get a shipment in this week and I can start trying it out!! A step forward at least.
Friday, January 12, 2007
4:00 Craze
It is quite insane actually, in so many ways. The day could start out wonderful, everyone doing great, but as soon as the clock strikes 4pm...it's like everyone in my house has gone a little haywire....maybe myself being the guiltiest of all! 4:00 is the dreaded hour of my little household. I'm not liking the number 4. The seven on the clock is my favorite. 7am they wake up....I'm ready to see their sweet little faces all wrinkled from sleep, I've missed them, I'm excited to start the day with them. 7pm...means bedtime, I rush the bath, rush the teeth brushing, rush the books...7pm it sounds like sweet music in my ears. Bedtime. I'm done. Fini. Me time. But the 4....I'm just not liking that number...maybe it's my breaking point cause I've had them continually, no break for 9 hours by this time. Mmmm....9 hours...that just hit me...that's a long time!!
My kids seem to know instinctively that this is just the time to start whining, to start crying and to start getting into everything. This is the perfect time to squeeze the juice box on the floor, run around with Mommie's half open nail polish, to grab and cling to me for dear life or to continually tease the sibling till they cry. We've had a great day, it's gone fabulous...but the little hand hits the four and the big hand hits the 12....look out! Is it hard to be at home all day with these adorable, loveable, beautiful kids? It ain't easy...don't believe the women who try to sell you on the "always" wonderful world of staying at home. I KNOW 4:00 comes in their house too, they just like to pretend all is well for some odd reason. (The key word is "always" here because I do so enjoy this opportunity to be with my kids, and I know lots of other moms that gave up wonderful careers and opportunities to be able to do this and love it like I do...but that doesn't mean it has to be perfect and that we should pretend it is)
So...the dilemna is how to handle this bewitching hour....do I skip getting dinner ready and go play, do I let the TV entertain them while I cook?? Afterall, they aren't into coloring, playdough, hide 'n seek, playing house or puzzles...cause they've been there, done that by 4! I know, I know, I know... the solution is just organizing, preparing the day ahead of time, plan it ALL freaking out!! Have the day scheduled hour by hour, the meal scheduled...it might make the rush for supper much easier. But when do I do that? (Maybe instead of blogging??) Not gonna happen....not yet...but it may be the solution if I start pulling my hair out.
I tell my friends, if you call me at 4....please forgive me ahead of time if I'm not too pleasant, or you hear me yelling "timeout" on the other end of the phone and doing lots of sighing. And to my dear husband, who generally likes to play golf starting at 3pm in the afternoon on nice sunny days, maybe he just shouldn't call to break this news(but of course I will be upset if he doesn't). And I will of course have to ask for his forgiveness if I just can't handle that after his hard day of work...he is out on on a beautiful golf course, taking some time to himself, "improving" his game while I'm trying wish the 4 on the clock was a 7.
My kids seem to know instinctively that this is just the time to start whining, to start crying and to start getting into everything. This is the perfect time to squeeze the juice box on the floor, run around with Mommie's half open nail polish, to grab and cling to me for dear life or to continually tease the sibling till they cry. We've had a great day, it's gone fabulous...but the little hand hits the four and the big hand hits the 12....look out! Is it hard to be at home all day with these adorable, loveable, beautiful kids? It ain't easy...don't believe the women who try to sell you on the "always" wonderful world of staying at home. I KNOW 4:00 comes in their house too, they just like to pretend all is well for some odd reason. (The key word is "always" here because I do so enjoy this opportunity to be with my kids, and I know lots of other moms that gave up wonderful careers and opportunities to be able to do this and love it like I do...but that doesn't mean it has to be perfect and that we should pretend it is)
So...the dilemna is how to handle this bewitching hour....do I skip getting dinner ready and go play, do I let the TV entertain them while I cook?? Afterall, they aren't into coloring, playdough, hide 'n seek, playing house or puzzles...cause they've been there, done that by 4! I know, I know, I know... the solution is just organizing, preparing the day ahead of time, plan it ALL freaking out!! Have the day scheduled hour by hour, the meal scheduled...it might make the rush for supper much easier. But when do I do that? (Maybe instead of blogging??) Not gonna happen....not yet...but it may be the solution if I start pulling my hair out.
I tell my friends, if you call me at 4....please forgive me ahead of time if I'm not too pleasant, or you hear me yelling "timeout" on the other end of the phone and doing lots of sighing. And to my dear husband, who generally likes to play golf starting at 3pm in the afternoon on nice sunny days, maybe he just shouldn't call to break this news(but of course I will be upset if he doesn't). And I will of course have to ask for his forgiveness if I just can't handle that after his hard day of work...he is out on on a beautiful golf course, taking some time to himself, "improving" his game while I'm trying wish the 4 on the clock was a 7.
Saturday, October 07, 2006
What happened to pens?
The other day Kev joked about how he truly couldn't write anymore...that his handwriting was illegable. I mean...when was the last time I wrote something besides a shopping list? It's kinda crazy....and here I am sitting at a computer deciding to start blogging my children's life (I didn't even know what blog was a year ago?? )instead of trying to write in a my cute little journal that is in my drawer beside my bed (that has been there for months...and still empty). I've caved into the easiness of my laptop... here she sits on my kitchen counter...begging to be typed on on a daily basis. What a shame my pretty handwriting will go to waste! ha.
I am going to try my best to keep more of a journal for the girls sake, and for mine. Their life has been pretty well documented so far...with at least a zillion pictures and thousands of short videos...all put onto DVD's for our viewing pleasure. However, I've realized when comparing Sophie to Madeline at certain stages..how much I've already forgotten about when Madeline that age. I had so many moments in the past...where I thought "I will never forget this feeling....ever" and yes....some of those milestones, and precious memories/feelings are already sliding away somewhere into the depths of this brain of mine. It makes me so sad...they grow up so quickly.
I think about what will be in store for the girls in the next 10-20 years...communication wise. What kind of social skills will they develop in this new age of the gadgets?? The Internet has been an amazing thing...but in so many ways things are so much more impersonal, we are so used to everything being INSTANT. I see Krystle communicate more on her phone via instant message than she probably does ever in person with her friends? And the language is changing--they have special abbreviations for everything...LOL. Gone are the days of hand written letters where we did have a few abbreviations like LLL or PS. Kevin and I both have boxes of letters in the basement from camp friends...that we waited for with held breath and it was so exciting to open the mailbox and see a letter!! Does that make me feel old! Will one day the girls laugh and say....do you have any of those pens stashed away somewhere that we could try out? Just like Kev and I might now look at the novelty of a feather and ink pen? Crazy.
I am going to try my best to keep more of a journal for the girls sake, and for mine. Their life has been pretty well documented so far...with at least a zillion pictures and thousands of short videos...all put onto DVD's for our viewing pleasure. However, I've realized when comparing Sophie to Madeline at certain stages..how much I've already forgotten about when Madeline that age. I had so many moments in the past...where I thought "I will never forget this feeling....ever" and yes....some of those milestones, and precious memories/feelings are already sliding away somewhere into the depths of this brain of mine. It makes me so sad...they grow up so quickly.
I think about what will be in store for the girls in the next 10-20 years...communication wise. What kind of social skills will they develop in this new age of the gadgets?? The Internet has been an amazing thing...but in so many ways things are so much more impersonal, we are so used to everything being INSTANT. I see Krystle communicate more on her phone via instant message than she probably does ever in person with her friends? And the language is changing--they have special abbreviations for everything...LOL. Gone are the days of hand written letters where we did have a few abbreviations like LLL or PS. Kevin and I both have boxes of letters in the basement from camp friends...that we waited for with held breath and it was so exciting to open the mailbox and see a letter!! Does that make me feel old! Will one day the girls laugh and say....do you have any of those pens stashed away somewhere that we could try out? Just like Kev and I might now look at the novelty of a feather and ink pen? Crazy.
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