So...Madeline is learning the art of lying or what may seem to her at the time....self preservation. Just silly little lies right now...but this is the time to make sure we deal with it correctly. It seems to be instictual...or more at her age...the need to lie out of fear?? She is testing the waters so much latley...and my little "Yes, Mom, I DID IT" child has disappeared behind the "I don't know who did it???" or...." mmm...wasn't me". UGGGHHH.....it has started so early on....she isn't even quite four! So...now to figure out the balance of teaching her to be truthful...even when she has done something wrong...not over punishing her for telling the truth but not letting her off the hook for the deed she was lying about.
I remember how it all was...if you tell the truth and you still get in horrible trouble (and whatever you did was purely accidental)...and sometimes in the heads of the culprit....truly unjustified..then why not just fib a little...and no one will no the difference?
So here we go....my overanalysis on the whole thing. In a sense for most kids...lying seems to be the lesser of two evils, and they imagine they can get away with things better. So for kids....lying is punishment-avoidant behaviour.
Our dilemma : do we punish for lying...if we do ,we may risk reinforcing fear, then increasing the likelihood of lying in the future, rather than decreasing it!????
Conclusion: punishing a lie....that is due to fear....in the long run will be ineffective. So, I think if we remember to seek the deeper motivation for the lie and work at the source rather than the symptom than that will help? That is the struggle though...to remember this!!
I think if we make sure we are approachable and understanding and if something goes wrong or happens that they can come talk with us....and understand that there may be a consequence but one that is fair and fits the "crime" per say. Above all, I just by us recognizing that our purpose as parents is to encourage honesty....that this is good character not just a behaviour. When all is said and done, I want the girls to love the truth, not to fear it.....to hate lies....and not merely the punishment that lying brings. Make sense?? Oh the joys!!!
